Crushing your Fashion Fears

I'm a big girl. And while it took me years to accept that, I finally have, and yes, I am a big girl. My body structure isn't the kind you see in magazines. I'm taller and bigger than most of my friends. Beauty pageants would probably look away from me. I'm a big girl and I used to hate that, but now, who cares? I certainly don't.

But I'll be honest... being plus-size used to hold me back from expressing myself through fashion. Finding clothes for plus size ladies is hard as hell. Most of the 'normal' shops here have sizes up to XL, and sometimes XL doesn't even look like an XL (Seriously, what is with that?) There aren't as many choices, either, so sometimes you're left with a 'this will have to do' instead of a 'this is perfect' choice. 

But it wasn't just the challenge of finding clothes that discouraged me. There were so many times where I thought, "I can't wear this because I'm plus size." I envied skinny girls who could rock skinny jeans and baggy shirts. I felt different in a bad way, because it seemed like the world made clothes for women who weren't like me. I left the clothes that I really wanted to try for the people who seemed like they were made to wear those clothes.

Until this year, I had never worn skirts that were above my knees. I never wore shorts. I was afraid of showing my legs because I thought they were too meaty. All of my tops were loose because I wanted to avoid outlining my stomach muffins. I just wanted to cover everything and hide under layers of clothes that I didn't even feel confident in. 

But, I was sick of it. So I did something about it. I decided to spice up my #OOTD. 

Why I Don't Enjoy Beauty Pageants

When I lost weight, I didn't expect people to push me to join beauty pageants. And while I'm flattered that they think I'm "good enough" to join one, I have to say that the possibility of that happening is next to zero. Beauty pageants just aren't my thing. They never were and, unless things change, they never will be.

Before I explain why, let me just say that I don't think there's anything wrong with appreciating beauty. I'm all about lifting each other up and building confidence with my girls. It's how these beauty pageants portray beauty that's disturbing me. 

How I Said Goodbye to Negative Thinking

I post a lot of motivational stuff here on my blog. I say things like, "Fuck what they think and go after what you want" and those are 100% true. I believe in what I preach, I practice what I preach, and I'm all about sharing those with everybody else. But as enthusiastic as I may sound, I haven't always been that way. I was the complete opposite of that just a couple of years back.

You'd never hear me say, "It'll be fine, the struggle isn't permanent" or "Remember this is all for your future" to myself. I was all about the negative stuff, and I'm pretty sure that cloud follow me everywhere I went because it affected so many areas of my life. I was negative in school, and that affected my relationship with friends, and then I brought that attitude home. Heck, there were some times (too many, actually) when I just wanted to end it all. I was that unmotivated, uninspired. I was that negative.

So what did I do? 

You Deserve to Feel and Look Good

Some people misconceive taking care of one's physical appearance, interpreting it as being vain or conceited. Some people view self care negatively, and they assume that people who watch their diet are foolish, or that people who go to the gym to get killer abs are narcissistic.

Some people think that girls (and guys) who put effort into the clothes they wear are trying too hard, and that they shouldn't worry so much about impressing strangers. Those who want to dress up fabulously decide not to, because the world will just throw judgments that them.

Your Life, Your Beliefs

You'd think that when we're born, we're blank slates. White canvasses that are ready to be painted with the wonders of this world. We're made to believe that we have all the freedom to shape our lives into what we'd like it to become, but that's not always the case. We were born already with beliefs, some of which we don't truly agree with. We were born to think a certain way because that's how our parents and their parents think. 

We were born with these vital things already determined for us, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way for the rest of our lives.