How I Said Goodbye to Negative Thinking

I post a lot of motivational stuff here on my blog. I say things like, "Fuck what they think and go after what you want" and those are 100% true. I believe in what I preach, I practice what I preach, and I'm all about sharing those with everybody else. But as enthusiastic as I may sound, I haven't always been that way. I was the complete opposite of that just a couple of years back.

You'd never hear me say, "It'll be fine, the struggle isn't permanent" or "Remember this is all for your future" to myself. I was all about the negative stuff, and I'm pretty sure that cloud follow me everywhere I went because it affected so many areas of my life. I was negative in school, and that affected my relationship with friends, and then I brought that attitude home. Heck, there were some times (too many, actually) when I just wanted to end it all. I was that unmotivated, uninspired. I was that negative.

So what did I do? 

You Deserve to Feel and Look Good

Some people misconceive taking care of one's physical appearance, interpreting it as being vain or conceited. Some people view self care negatively, and they assume that people who watch their diet are foolish, or that people who go to the gym to get killer abs are narcissistic.

Some people think that girls (and guys) who put effort into the clothes they wear are trying too hard, and that they shouldn't worry so much about impressing strangers. Those who want to dress up fabulously decide not to, because the world will just throw judgments that them.

Your Life, Your Beliefs

You'd think that when we're born, we're blank slates. White canvasses that are ready to be painted with the wonders of this world. We're made to believe that we have all the freedom to shape our lives into what we'd like it to become, but that's not always the case. We were born already with beliefs, some of which we don't truly agree with. We were born to think a certain way because that's how our parents and their parents think. 

We were born with these vital things already determined for us, but that doesn't mean it has to be that way for the rest of our lives.

Can You Just Be Happy for Me?

So you accomplish something. Let's say your essay got published in a national newspaper. You feel ecstatic because you've been dreaming about this since who-knows-when. Family members and friends congratulate you, they tell you how proud they are of you, but in the crowd, one annoying face sticks out, and they have only one thing to say:

"It isn't that good."

Well, that's one of the things they could say, among an endless list of unhappy comments such as, "Who cares?", "You could've done better", and "I don't think it's much of an achievement" but you get the point. No matter how successful you've become, there will always be people who won't see that as a good thing. There'll always be people who can't and won't be happy for you.

The "Giving Back" Mindset

I've been lucky enough to have been raised in an environment where I never felt obliged to "give back" to family. There were never statements like, "You need to study so you can give back and help our family" or "We raised you, so you need to give back to us." I was always taught to work toward my desired future, and to think selfishly sometimes. Of course, I was taught to never take anything for granted, but the concept of obligation to owe family was never introduced to me.

I understand that it's not the same for others, and to me, I feel as though planting that idea in the child's mind isn't entirely a good thing.