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What Happens When You Stop Being Competitive

Sunday, August 7, 2016
Hey guys! After a long and sickly break, I have finally returned to this safe and pink nest of comfort. Lying in bed while I watched How To Get Away With Murder gave me the time to really think about important things, and today I'd like to share some of those realizations with you, mainly on my competitiveness - the aggressive monster that has been bullying me for years - and how I've finally come close to slaughtering that enemy.

I've talked about competitiveness a couple of times on this blog, and even made a blog post on NOT having to be competitive because we're all on the same ground, blah blah. But I've never truly shaken off that competitive side of me. It has always been lurking, just waiting to be jolted alive, something in the back of my head all the freaking time.

There would be times when I'd go to class, NOT be #1, and make that "failure" bully me for days. There would be times when I'd flash fake smiles at people who did better than me. I took everything personally, and I won't bother saying that it was a good thing, because it wasn't. It ruined me, made me feel sick of myself. Being number one was my motivation necessity for years. I felt like I couldn't properly enjoy life and do other things that could make me happy, because I was too concerned with academics and being #1.

Until now.

I don't know what happened exactly, but now I don't feel like I need to be competitive anymore. It feels so good not to feel obligated to be #1, to finally get rid of that crappy attitude that ruined friendships, opportunities, and myself. You don't know how amazing it feels to be able to go to class, not ace an exam, and feel nothing -- not even an empty kind of sadness, but just an awesome feeling of being unaffected. 

So, if you're a competitive spirit, and you feel like it's taking over your life, listen to me. Amazing things happen when you throw away the desire to have that shiny reward in your hands, when you throw away your pride and just start doing the things that matter to you, NOT the things that only matter because of how you think others see you.

First, you get to chill and do lazy things that recharge you. Because you're not competitive anymore, you do not waste time studying extremely, preparing excessively, or preparing too much. You can finally lie down, grab a bowl of ice cream, and watch all the TV shows you've always wanted to watch. Next, you learn to appreciate people. No more sulking because someone's better than you -- that's been replaced by genuine respect for other people's abilities. I've learned to clap my hands at others' achievements, because I've realized that their success won't "bother" me. I am good at certain things, and so are they. I've learned to highlight the things I'm actually good at and concentrate on developing those skills, rather than having to be good at multiple things, thus creating more competition within me, and among my peers.

Another thing is that you make friends and make them see who you really are. Not gonna lie, some people disliked me for being too competitive and serious, and yeah, I didn't care about not having friends because all that mattered to me was being on top. Looking at it now, that was kind of... shitty. You are not a sum total of your achievements alone, but you are created from your quirks, your pain, your hopes and dreams, and your insecurities. You are not a flat character in this vibrant world. And no one will see that unless you step out and stop competing.

This isn't an excuse to be lazy, but a reason to stop being overcompetitive. You can still do well and be at the top of your game without making the need to be #1 consume you. What's the point of being #1 if your heart is empty and bitter, anyway? It took me a long time to realize this, but it's much better to be #2 (or any number, really) but have real happiness and contentment in your heart.

I managed to kill that competitive beast, and I hope it stays dead. If you feel like you're struggling with it too, trust me: it's much better to let it go. You might not see it now, but what happens when you stop being competitive is a greater reward than any "#1" award you will ever receive.
2 comments on "What Happens When You Stop Being Competitive"
  1. Well, I don't like competitions that's for sure. But I do like my job and I am trying to do my best in it.

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